Split Decision
by HarvestBeauty
Summary: Larry protects Jack from Max in the most unusual way. Rewrite of Dying to Meet You. Jack/Larry friendship. Special appearances by the Ropers.


_A/N: I originally was going to make this a dramatic story with Larry pulling a gun out on Max and everything, but then my brain just went into a totally different direction and made this story goofy and weird. Oops..._

"Open the door!" Max demanded from outside. Heavy and urgent banging followed his command. Each blow felt like a dagger to Jack's heart.

Jack and Larry looked at each other with dread, their eyes huge and fearful.

"Stick a fork in me, because I'm _done_!" Jack whined in despair. "I'm dead_, I'm dead_!"

"No, Jack, you're _not _dead yet! You are my best friend and I'm going to help you! I have an idea!" Larry's eyes gleamed with mischief. "But first_, go hide_!"

With that, Larry dashed off into the kitchen, leaving a terrified and wobbly kneed Jack to try and find a hiding spot. Jack decided to plop himself down right in front of Larry's sofa, pulling a small throw pillow on top of himself in a pathetic attempt to hide. Had he been thinking clearly, he probably would have opted to hide in the bathroom or under Larry's bed or something, but fear and panic made it hard for Jack to think straight at the moment. Larry returned to the living room seconds later clutching a large, 10 inch knife. He rolled his eyes at Jack's choice for a hiding spot while Jack almost did a double take when he saw what Larry had brought back with him.

"What are you going to do with that knife?!" Jack gasped.

Larry sat himself down on the sofa. He plunged the knife down and worked the tip into his coffee table as much as he could so that the weapon stuck straight up into the air.

"I'm going to save your butt, Jack." Larry finally answered him, before adding quietly. "I hope..."

"Open the door or I'm going to break it down!" Max warned.

Jack looked at Larry fearfully and began to shake. He wished he'd picked a better hiding spot now. Larry returned Jack's gaze and cast him a small smile, telling him not to worry silently. Then, he leaned forward and put his head in his hands, rubbing at his temples tiredly. He sighed irritably. Jack raised an eyebrow, wondering what on earth Larry was up to.

He didn't have long to think about it, however, because Max made good on his promise. With a loud karate yell, he kicked in Larry's door, causing it to come crashing down with a massive bang. Jack jumped at the noise and at the violent way in which Max entered Larry's apartment. Curiously enough, Larry didn't move or flinch whatsoever. He sat totally still, as if he was a statue. Jack wondered what on earth Larry's plan could be. Could Larry really take on a guy like Max? Jack just knew this wasn't going to end well.

All was quiet in the apartment. Max was breathing hard from breaking the door down, Jack was shaking like a leaf on the floor and Larry just sat there silently.

"Alright, where is he?" Max barked, glaring at the back of Larry's head.

Larry sighed deeply. He dropped his voice to a pitch considerably lower than his own natural voice and spoke calmly, not speaking to either Max or Jack, but speaking to someone in the room that was unseen.

"Will you get the door, Helen?" Larry drawled in a bored tone. Jack gasped quietly when Mr Roper's voice came out of Larry's mouth. Larry always was a good mimic and loved to impersonate people for kicks, but Jack had no idea how pretending to be their former landlord was going to help him get out of this situation. Still, it was cool to watch.

Larry fought the urge to cringe. Feeling _very _stupid, he then answered himself in a higher, second voice.

"Why don't you get the door, Stanley? Who knows? Maybe seeing you get up off of the couch for ten seconds will excite me." Larry responded in Mrs Roper's tone.

Max froze in the doorway, a look of confusion coming over his face. Meanwhile, Jack snickered into the pillow he was holding.

"Now, don't start with me again..." Larry sighed, switching back to Mr Roper's voice.

The more he carried on having an argument with himself, the less stupid he felt and the more he got into it. Larry loathed creepy stuff and hated horror movies, but he did his best to act like a real life horror villain in this scenario, taking inspiration from his old landlords as well as from the movie Psycho. He figured if he could scare himself, then he could scare others and, indeed, the hair on his arms was standing on end. The fact that Max hadn't barged over and killed both him and Jack was also a really good sign. Larry began twitching violently as he became more erratic, switching rapidly and with ease between the two personalities. As he went on and on, the caricatures of Mr and Mrs Roper became more exaggerated and hellish. Jack watched in amazement as his friend would switch with just a shift on the couch, in between two different people. He marveled at the way his facial features and voice would change on a dime. It was eerie, like watching mercury slithering back and forth in a test tube. Neither Larry nor Jack could see Max's face slowly shift over from confusion to downright terror.

"Oh Stanley!" Larry whined in Mrs Roper's voice. "Sometimes you make me so mad, I could just..."

Larry didn't finish the sentence. Instead, he jumped up and grabbed the knife. With the weapon raised, he slowly turned around to lock eyes with Max.

Max swallowed nervously.

"Oh, look Stanley!" Larry crowed. "Look at this nice young man! He broke down our door just to come and see me! How sweet! What can I do for you, dear?"

Larry then fixed Max with a huge, eerie and creepy looking smile. His eyes glittered dangerously.

"Um..." Max faltered, eyes wide. "Pardon me, I must have the wrong apartment..."

At that, Larry dropped the smile and twisted his face into a scowl.

"Screw this!" Max muttered under his breath before taking off, running down the hallway and heading down the stairs as fast as he could.

Like a rabid dog, Larry charged. He stepped up onto his couch and jumped over the back of it. Not quite landing right on his feet, he grunted and fell to the floor in a heap but even through it all, he never lost his grip on the knife and he never took his eyes off of the now empty doorway. He didn't even blink. He scrambled to his feet, ran to where the door used to be and poked his head out of the doorway, yelling down the hallway even though Max was long gone. He shouted with such force that the veins on his neck were standing out and his face began turning purple. This, along with the way his eyes were bulging out of his head, really did make Larry appear to be insane.

"COME BACK HERE AND FIX MY DOOR, MOTHERFUCKER!" Larry bellowed at the top of his lungs. He then tossed his head back and began laughing maniacally. The commotion of it all was starting to cause some of Larry's neighbors to crack their doors open to peek outside curiously. Jack got up and ran over to Larry's doorway, tapping Larry on the shoulder as his friend continued to rant and rave like a true lunatic. He hoped they wouldn't get the cops called on them. He also really wanted to calm Larry down before he blew a gasket.

"Ummm, Larry?" Jack tried feebily. He tapped Larry on the shoulder for the tenth time.

"WHAT?!" Larry whirled around to face Jack and snarled, still in character. Jack flinched.

"He's gone. You can stop now..." Jack said timidly. "You're kind of scaring your neighbors, so..."

"He's gone? Oh..." Larry blinked, slowly coming out of it. "Well, that's good then!"

"Yeah, I'll say! Great job, buddy! You scared him off!" Jack laughed. "And I think you gave the entire third floor nightmares..."

Larry looked around and noticed one of his neighbors peeking out at him through a cracked open door. He waved casually and smiled awkwardly, causing her to dive back into her apartment and to shut and lock her door, screaming in horror. Larry sighed, he supposed he would have to go door to door giving everyone apology cookies tomorrow.

"Jack?" Larry turned to face him, handing him the knife. "Will you put this back into the kitchen for me?"

"Sure, pal." Jack took the knife from Larry.

"And then will you help me put my door back on its hinges? I want to go to bed pretty soon. What we just did kind of kicked my ass..." Larry laughed softly, his voice raspy from yelling earlier.

"Sure, Larry." Jack nodded at him before disappearing into the kitchen.

Larry smiled to himself proudly as he went to go fetch his toolbox.

THE END


End file.
